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Taking control Going to college at any age requires significant adjustment. The advantage younger students have is that they can use these years in college as transitional time – time to focus on the task at hand. Older students are challenged with concentrating on this task in the midst of the many – often more pressing – distractions of adult life. But we have our advantages: We have perspective and control. Perspective is a natural function of juggling conflicting responsibilities. You recognize that in order to cope you must vary the weights you give to each responsibility at any given time. Control is the ability to do this. If your young son is having trouble at school, you may need to sit out a semester of your own to help him. If your company just cut your department's staff in half, you may need to put school on hold to handle the extra workload. Or if you keep going, you accept that C grade (not happily, but without beating yourself up), although you're sure you would have had an A if you'd been able to put more time into your studies. Control often seems elusive, especially when you're swamped by tasks that all need doing now. The key to control is the ability to focus on your priorities to reach a goal. The goals are yours. The priorities are yours. And the only way to make sure you fulfill these priorities is to stay focused on them. There's nothing in my experience quite so focusing as flying a plane. Whenever I need to remind myself I'm in control, I think back to when I first learned to fly (yes, as an older student). I was thoroughly enjoying my lessons every day, safe with my instructor in the right seat to bail me out if I got into trouble. Then one day he made me land, taxi back to the hangar, and let him out. "No, don't shut it down. Your hour lesson isn't up yet! Take it back up and do two touch-and-goes for me." My first solo! In my panic, I felt far from having control – over my aircraft or myself. But as I rolled down the runway for takeoff, it was clear to me what my goal was and what my priorities had to be. At that moment, I had to remember to (1) breathe and (2) stop shaking in order to fly that plane. Once in the air, I had a new goal: to land without crashing (or even embarrassing myself). I had no choice about whether or not I should land safely. The thought was at once sobering and calming. I had no time to consider my own fear. There were more important things to do in the plane at that moment. I managed my two practice takeoffs and landings just fine. And I can't begin to describe my feeling of power and accomplishment that day and still. Whenever I think about it, I realize that the sense of control was a direct result of having a clear goal, setting my priorities to meet that goal, and focusing on the tasks necessary to fulfill those priorities. As I continued to fly, I also realized that to stay in control I often had to make fast decisions. If I wasn't comfortable with how I'd set up a landing, coming in too high or too low, I would abort it, "go around" and try again. The decision was mine. So I learned that you can change your goals. And you can change your priorities. Just make sure they continue to work in tandem. 3/7/01 TOP |
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